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OzzieOzzie
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Name: David
Country: Australia
Metro: Brisbane
Birthday: 7/25/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Let's see where to begin. I'm probably what is refered to in Australia as a Geeban (someone who enjoys computer games a little bit too much)
I play sports (none of them professionally) like squash, cricket, AFL (kicking the footy around on the oval). I used to be a big soccer buff (still support Liverpool)
I am sort of Trekkie (not as much as the ones that go to conventions dressed as klingons) but I do enjoy watching Star Trek in all its forms
Expertise: Breaking bones doing the most mundane activities, like playing in a Park (Right Humerous not really that funny) , Playing Soccer (left wrist), Playing Volleyball (never trust a school nurse when they say something is sprained [left fore arm was broken]), Walking on foot-path (granted it was dark and it wasn't an even surface but come-on who breaks their leg walking on a foot path [spiral fracture of the lower right fibula])
Occupation: Student
Industry: Engineering
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/2/2004
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| The below message has allegedly been written by John Cleese to the citizens of the United States of America.
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminum," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") -roughly $8/US gallon. Get used to it.
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.
10. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
13. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.
Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese | | |
| WOW another entry in such a short time!!!!This is gonna be a shortish entry detailing the last two days (well evenings really). On friday evening, Chris, Myself and one of our mates Rob, went cruising down the river to Newfarm Park to go the Brisbane Power House (Basically a theatre) to see the Australian Guitar Quartet, commonly known as Saffire. We got there about 2hrs early, due to the fact that we werent sure how long the City Cat would take because more people than normal would be using it, because the Riverside Expressway was closed because a two metre long and 0.5cm deep crack was found in the bridge. So we got our tickets sorted, and then went downstairs to the bar/restaurant called Watt. We ordered food, I got the Pork and Cabbage Dumplings with a side of chips and Aioli, Chris got the fish and chips and rob got the Kangaroo Spring Rolls. I rekon that we as australians have the tastiest national animal in the world :). Anyway, when we finished we went upstairs just in time for the doors to be open. We went in and sat down, where the Compere told us that the theatre had a phone jammer, if someones phone went off, someone from backstage would come out and jam.... The concert was so cool, they were playing rennaisance music with a modern twist. They finished with two songs from riverdance, and then came back on for an encore and played a Deep Purple song. Chris and Rob got their new CD signed, I would have but my money stash was a little low, so i missed out *sad panda*. We got the last city cat back to the uni and that was basically the night. Last Night (saturday) a whold group of us caught the bus to the city and walked across the bridge to southbank. We met up with someone at the train station and met two others outside the Restaurant. We were all their for one our mates birthdays. We went to the restaurant that we were going to go to, but we didn't make a reservation (for nine people no less) so they obviously didn't have a table. We tried a place a few metres down, they had tables but it was raining fairly heavely, so they couldn't use the tables. We tried across the street and they had tables free, so we ate there. I had a 350g rib eye and a morton bay Bug (small lobster/big prawn). Now at this point the rain was getting heavier, which wasn't too bad because we were undercover. When we finished there, we went back across the street to a place called "Cold Rock". Its an ice cream place where you pick your ice cream and add anything you want, from snickers to jelly babies etc. Then we went and caught the city cat back. Me and one other stood out the front in the rain and got fairly wet, but we were the smart ones, because out of everyone there only four of us had rain jackets/coats. It was a pretty good night. When we got back to the uni, we took the long way back to college for some reason, even though it takes like twice as long. As I said it was a good night even though it rained a fair bit. This will probably be my last update until like late november or early december. Because its getting to that time of year when exams etc are near. David signing off | | |
| The Darwin Awards 2006 In case you haven't received them yet, here are this year's Darwin Awards-- the annual honour given to the person who improved the "gene pool" the most by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year as been keen. And the candidates this year are.............
* IN Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
* Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
HONORABLE MENTION:
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP:
* TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's
just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER:
* Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that "Shit happens!" | | |
| Hmm, lets see where to begin. I reckon the best place to start would be the beginning. Now lets see when my last real update with any information was *frantically looks at previous page*. So the last one for me was when I was in Bahrain, I assume Chris kept you up to date *checks Chris’ xanga* Okay so Chris kept you up to date for a while then everything stopped. So here it is: Not much happened during the first half of the semester, there were a few things like the - Emmanuel Ball, I didn’t go because its basically a big piss up.
- Crommie Bunker for the same reason
- The Races (See above for reason)
- Fresher Rome ^
Then came Theatre Restaurant, again I didn’t go but that’s largely because I am lazy, its so much a piss up for the audience (until after the show) but the actors are all pretty wasted before during and after the show. Chris and I have met up with Danny a few times this semester, we met in the city once, had some lunch and then went to the cinema (I forget which movie), Danny came to college and we went to Indro, had some food at a place called CAFÉ eXcess. Chris and I had the steak and mushroom pie (for some reason it’s been the special since Chris and I got to Brisbane in Feb 2005) and I believe that Danny had the chicken and avocado sandwich with a coke. Chris and I have milkshakes. We then went to the book shop, computer game shop, and generally walked around for a bit, I think we went to the cinema as well can’t remember. Shows how my mind works (all food lol) A few weeks ago we went with Danny down to the gold coast and met up with Jess and went to Sea World. Had some fun there, we went on the Bermuda Triangle ride first, and then we went to the Sea Lion show (pretty cool). We then went for lunch I had the fisherman’s basket (can anyone say irony), when we had finished eating we went to catch the Dolphin show (really cool made me sort of wish I had done Marine Biology). Then we went to the shark bay area and walked around the underwater viewing area and then went to the touch pools, where you can touch sea cucumbers, star fish etc. Then we stopped off at the Polar Bear area (I want one). Then the rest went on the Pirate Ship ride and the cork screw, I didn’t because my back was a little sore (slept funny the night before). Then we went to the gift shop, I got a 30cm tall Polar Bear that stands on its hind legs for 15bucks marked down from 39, I thought it was a bargain. Then we headed back to Brisbane, and stopped off at the cheesecake shop on the way, I got a Chocolate Treasure Cake, still have a little under half in my fridge. Bear in mind that this is in no particular order, On the 3rd Sept, the wing went to Toowong Lawn Bowls for the after noon. Three of us, Chris, me , and Sarah went by car to set up, ie get the barbeque and make the arrangements. The guy there showed the three of us how to bowl, and then we played a few ends. The rest of the guys showed up about 20mins later, and they got their lesson, and then we played for a bit, and me and sarah started to cook the food on the barbeque. Christ they gave us a lot of food, from the amount of meat they gave us it looked like we were expected to eat a cow and half. Any way, we cooked the food, then bowled for a bit, then cooked the rest of the food and bowled some more. A few of the guys had a system; anyone that bowled in their lane (I guess that’s what it’s called) and went over the end had to do a tequila shot. Needless to say a few of the blokes had a fair few shots. 
Not My best Photo But a Photo none the less. The others are (LtoR) Brock, Alan, Laura, Hamish and Josh  (LtoR) Brock, Brunei (James) and Me. This is the first lot of food 
Thats Chris bowling there, The fellow behind him is Andrew A week ago we had the AGM where we voted in the new members of the student club, The positions were all taken by the right people, with the exception of the controversial Councillor position, basically we all voted, then the votes were counted the result was disputed by an existing member of the student club, so another was taken. The principal of the college said that they shouldn’t have so they counted the original again, the result was announced and that was the end of it. In my opinion though the way they announced the result seemed as if they just pulled a name out of a hat, but that’s just me being paranoid. Any way that’s pretty much all the big things that happened since Chris updated. I’m sure if I missed anything out Chris will point it out. By the way I remember, when Chris, Danny and I were at indro we did go to the cinema. We saw Thank You for Smoking, a delightfully satirical comedy. Oh yeah and before I forget, when Chris was at one of his pipe band contests (Ipswich one maybe), I and one of my mates Matt helped out one of the admins at college by working at her Teddy Bear Exhibition. We were the security, or as I like to call us the ENFORCERS. Anyway, that was a pretty boring day, 7 till 4. We got $120 for the day though, so it wasn’t to bad. We went to the cinema after and saw Dead or Alive wasn’t too bad, but it was basically 1.5hrs of Chicks in bikinis (not that I’m complaining of course). Now I promise that I’m done. | | |
| Just a quick update to let everyone know that I am still alive and kicking. I'll post a big juicy update in about a week, after the mid semster break. Give the video a little time to load
Look its amazing! | | |
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